You don't know it until you've done it

My wife came home frustrated from her computer science class. The concept made sense when somebody explained it. When she tried to use it, that understanding seemed to disappear.

I knew the feeling.

Early in my career, I read constantly. I could explain design patterns, recite the SOLID principles, and draw a convincing architecture diagram. Then I would sit down to build something and freeze. The books had given me a vocabulary, which sometimes felt remarkably similar to competence.

DHH once compared it to learning a kickflip. You can understand the movement, but the understanding changes after you've fallen off the skateboard a hundred times. I keep coming back to that image because reading rarely includes the awkward part where reality refuses to follow the explanation.

Leadership has worked the same way for me. Frameworks help me prepare for a difficult conversation. The learning arrives after I handle one badly, see the effect on another person, and have to work out what went wrong.

I still read the books. They give me ideas to try and language for experiences I couldn't previously name. I just trust the knowledge differently once it has survived contact with actual work.